Meet
“Yes, The Brighter ones please”
I'm picking out daises at the roadside flower shop on my way to meet Gayathri. I'm not entirely sure how this works since I haven't picked out a flower bouquet by hand before. But I'm guessing brigher the better, she likes bright flowers, doesn't she?
“May be not that one”
There is a very red daisy with a large elliptical hole in the middle, that looks weird, like a large open mouth. Don't want to scare her now.
“If we take it out, the bouquet will be very small. We don't have another flower of that size”
“Hmm.. Keep that in then.”
This is not exactly the dream florist you run to for romantic bouquets. It's a small roadside stall with few dusty flowers. But this is what you get when you wait till the evening on a Valentines day to get flowers. Got to have it fresh, I had thought to myself and here we are now. The cafe is still a kilometre from here and she has been messaging me on and off about reaching at the place. Just another 15 minutes more late, I couldn't have controlled there being a Bajrangdal rally surrounding the city or may be I could have, I don't know yet.
I use my skills to extract ₹100 off the guy at flower shop by sending him the amount of UPI. I don't carry that amount of cash anymore. I use the extra money and confidence to catch an autorickshaw. Off to Voyager in style, it is.
“Celebrating Valentines with Flowers?”
The autodriver opens up a conversation, I would have rather watched the road run by me.
“Haha.. no. It's just to meet someone I haven't met in a long time”
I lie for no reason, at least reasons that I'm not aware of. I do not have any experience in this game. The driver just smiles and stares at my flushed cheeks in the mirror. I have almost swept the embarassment out when a phone starts to ring. I grab my phone but it turns out to be the driver's phone. He parks the auto to the side and starts arguing with someone on the other side to sanction a housing loan.
I keep glancing at my watch and fire off an ipo ethum to Gayathri on WhatsApp. How would she feel when she sees me with the flowers? Would she realise that I send her all the gifts or would I have to explain it to her? How do I explain it to her? If she is okay with it, does this mean we are a couple and she's my girlfriend? I feel my heart beat faster and cheeks are probably flushing all over again. The mood of autodriver has shifted from argument to pleading and I don't see any way to make this faster.
I have always maintained publicly and privately that I was not interested in girlfriend/wife business. But may be I underneath knew that I was not boyfriend material and hence I made up the excuse that I was not interested in having a partner at all. I have even announced that I'm asexual, what if I'm actually asexual? Is it even legal to have a partner if you are asexual? I guess you can have a platonic relationship but that is not what Gayathri would want and it sucks. I haven't even considered if our likes are similar and she would want the same things as I do? What happens when we want different things in life, do we go different ways?
Rich Handsome Boyfriend I chuckle at her message from last night, I'm not rich yet for sure. If she's expecting the rich guy, this is going to be disappointing. I almost laugh at myself when I see myself in the rear view mirror of the autorickshaw, that face isn't going to get Mr. Handsome anytime soon. If I cannot even control if I reach her on time, just to propose her, how do we travel together after? I can't drive, either a vehicle or my own life.
“We are here!”
The autodriver calls out and I remain stunned for a second or two. I fumble a bit and pay the amount shown in the meter. I didn't have to get to amount out of the flower shop guy but it's good to be safe.
Once the rickshaw guy is out of my sight, I sneak in to the alley behind Voyager and leaves the bouquet there. I can't do this, not here, not now. I can't pull her into this and not be sure of myself, I can't do that to her. I take deep breaths to calm myself down, straighten my shirt and walk out of the alley into the cafe. My hands feels odd with nothing in them, am I supposed to just flail them around like this?
She sits in our regular spot in the corner, holding the Universe together and not knowing it. She is wearing the Maroon dress I bought her last day and I love her more than my favourite sunsets. She looks up from the phone and her eyes light up when she sees me. She taps the seat vacant seat around the corner next to her and slide into the seat sheepishly.
“A little late”
“That's fine. You did come.”
“Oh! The admirer, he isn't here yet? ... May be I shouldn't sit here. Sit somewhere else”
She places her arm on mine and stops me from standing.
“This seat is for you whoever comes. It's our regular seat”
“I don't think you realise how this romance thing works. Do you?”
“I do. I just don't care.”
“What if he doesn't come?”
“He could show up with a bouquet or something. I just want to know who it is. That's all.”
She doesn't answer the question and it leaves me with a lump in my throat. Is this hurting her inadvertently? She is looking at me as though she is expecting an answer, but I have none. But her inspecting eyes melt away every excuse I had thought off on the way here. She's kind, understanding and a beautiful person altogether. She is the closest to heaven that I will ever get to and melting in these eyes and filling them with a smile is what I want to do with my life. If I don't tell her now, I might never be able to. I pull my hand from under hers and walk out without another word. I have never been in my life been more sure of anything else.
It's gone.
I'm searching frantically for the bouquet in the alley behind the cafe where I left it but there is no sign of it. Where could it be? I rehearsed my words with the flowers and I feel quite uneasy to say it without them now. I turn to a tap on my shoulder.
“What are you searching for?”
She has followed me here and still has those eager eyes driling into my soul.
“I.. I lost something” I stammer along.
“Flowers?” She asks while her eyes are looking for it with me. It's obvious the flowers aren't here, it's a narrow alleyway onto an open road. I'm searching frantically because I fear my words won't come out without it. But her? I believe she's just doing it for kindness. She was always kind.
“You knew?”
“Of course. You idiot! Nobody sees me like you do.”
“Oh” I nod. Does that mean she's okay with it?
“Why did you hide them here in the first place?”
“I.. I'm not sure myself. I wasn't quite sure if I was enough. I mean.. I'm unempathetic, unemotional. I can't drive or cook. I don't have much of an extended family. I'm not rich or most”
Contrary to what I'm trying to explain I watch as a smile adornes her beautiful face. I stop midsentence and she comes in and holds me close to her. She doesn't say a word and she doesn't have to.
“Happy Valentines Kutta”
I hear her muffled but sweet voice over my beating heart. My heart slows down and my arms relax to go around her, to hold her in my arms. A warm cosy hug.
“Gayathri”
"Mmhmm” She raises her head from my chest to look at me.
I lean in with a soft forehead kiss and reaches down her ears.
"Happy Valentines Miracle ✨”
She flashes her angel smile and hides her face in my chest.
For whoever stole those flowers, I wish you a best of luck on your endeavour. I don't need them anymore, I have her in my arms. She raises her head and smiles at me, those beautiful little dimples shining brighter all of my daisies 🌸.